Weekend Writing Warriors #1

wewriwa

This is my first time posting on the Weekend Writing Warriors blog. It’s a place for people to meet other writers, read other writers’ work, and share some of their own work, published or unpublished. I’m excited to share an 8-sentence snippet from my book Night’s Treasure. I’m currently trying to find an agent who loves it as much as I do.

Wanna join in the fun? Meet new authors? Read others’ work? Go to Weekend Writing Warriors.

Night’s Treasure

Screams of pain tortured her and drove her burning legs forward. She was running through the forest, her feet making soft thumping noises on the hard packed soil as she fought to go faster. They were behind her, back in the house. That house of evil. How she wished she could leave it all behind her but her legs were wearying and she had nowhere to go, no one to welcome her, no family but the one from which she ran.

The night lent no light. The trees that surrounded her blocked the rays of the moon that would have lit her path. She saw singular beams as they broke through the leafy cover and dotted the forest floor.

– End –

Those are the first 8 sentences of my book. Night’s Treasure is a New Adult MS and is centered around Greek mythology. It’s about a demigod, Sophy, who must find a way to become immortal (without the help of her mother – the goddess Nyx) so she can join her family and her betrothed in Tartarus.

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About Katie St. John-Shin

I believe in living life and not letting it pass you by. I mean, come on, if you really want to do something but don't have the courage to do it so you let the opportunity disappear, you may regret it for the rest of your life. How can you know what you're capable of unless you go for it? Like every writer, I naturally plan on becoming a world-famous writer. I love reading, writing, fitness, coffee, watching my favorite movies/shows, listening to music, and trying new things even if they're sometimes terrifying. I'm a stay-at-home mom, a writer, and a POP Pilates instructor. I didn't think I'd succeed at that last one but I did it! I confronted my fears, dealt with things I didn't want to deal with, and completed the training! POP Pilates classes are coming soon to mid-Nebraska!
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13 Responses to Weekend Writing Warriors #1

  1. Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors, kathryn! We’re so glad to have you!

    Wow, what went on that house? What’s up with her family? That’s good–inspiring a reader to want to know more. I’m a fan of in medias res.

    You’ve infused a lot of information into a short snippet without it feeling like it’s an infodump.

    You might tweak it here and there, tightening it up; eliminating unnecessary words will increase the readers’ speed, giving a sense of greater urgency.

    Example: the first sentence, change “and drove” to “driving”.

    I’ll definitely be back to read more. 🙂

    • Thanks 🙂 I got a few critiques back for my MS so I’ll keep your suggestion in mind when I go through to fix things.

      This was fun! I think I’ll have to participate again next week. 😀

  2. Lorien Lyn says:

    Welcome to WeWriWa! Great action and descriptive scene.

    • Thanks! I read some pretty cool things others wrote for the wewriwa this week. Made me nervous that my style wouldn’t be interesting enough in snippet format. But it was fun doing this! Glad you liked it! 😀

  3. burnsmillie says:

    Welcome to WeWriWa, great job with this snippet. You have me wondering what went on at “home” and wondering where this story is going to head. Yikes!
    Little tweaks as Teresa suggested would make this piece thrum. I had a little difficulty with the second paragraph…the night lent no light…my mind tongue tripped up on that. And, the next sentence, you could red pencil through “that would have lit her path”. You told me something you just showed me, if that makes sense.
    Looking forward to more next week : )

  4. Welcome to the Weekend Warriors! Very dramatic beginning indeed, obviously high stakes going on in the snippet. I wasn’t clear about the “screams of pain”. Is she screaming? Is someone back at the house screaming? Not a major thing, just left me with questions. Best wishes!

    • Someone else is screaming and she can’t stand it so she’s running away from it.

      I always worry snippets will leave too many questions but I guess if the people are curious enough to ask, maybe that means it’s good? I like to be optimistic. 😉

      Thank you for your visit and comment. 😀

  5. I think it’s a good hook 😀 I definitely want to find out why she’s running. I mean obviously something bad happened at the house, but I don’t know what at this point. Your description is pretty good. I like the detailed part about her running. It’s easy to feel how scared and desperate she it.

    I had trouble envisioning rays of moonlight filtering through the forest.. I’ve seen that with the sun, but not with the moon. And then you start off the second paragraph talking about how there is no light, but then there are rays of moonlight. It’s confusing :/ Sometimes it helps me to google a certain setting, and then once I find an image that matches the one in my head, I describe it.

    Looking forward to next week and finding out more about Sophy 🙂

  6. CONGRATS!!! (I am pretty sure I can congratulate you, right? lol! It seems like a cool thing to be a part of, nonetheles hehe!) I wanna read more of your book! ❤ xoxo

  7. CONGRATS!!! (I am pretty sure I can congratulate you, right? lol! It seems like a cool thing to be a part of, nonetheless hehe!) I wanna read more of your book! ❤ xoxo

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