Weekend Writing Warriors #4

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– 8-sentence snippet from Night’s Treasure

“Everything in your life I’ve given you and now that I ask for one thing in return, you refuse to help. You pay back my kindness with ingratitude. Does filial loyalty mean nothing to you?”

There was a weight crushing her, wrapping around her chest till she couldn’t breathe. His eyes bored into her and she felt sweat begin to prickle on her forehead as she fought to remain standing. The strain was too much though and she fell to her knees with a gasp.

“Stop! Please!”

– The End –

Hope you enjoyed my 4th 8 sentence snippet from my manuscript Night’s Treasure!

If you’re interested in posting a snippet of your own story yourself or want to read things that other people have written, mosey on over to Weekend Writing Warriors. Every week they have a new sign-up sheet for people interested in showing their work to the world.

In other news, I’ve started writing the sequel to Night’s Treasure. For the moment I’m sticking withΒ NT2 for the working title. It’ll change in the future, probably the distant future when I’m nearer to at least the middle if not the end because NT2 is really easy to type and I’m in no hurry to change it.

Yay for writing again!

When do you decide on a story’s title?

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About Katie St. John-Shin

I believe in living life and not letting it pass you by. I mean, come on, if you really want to do something but don't have the courage to do it so you let the opportunity disappear, you may regret it for the rest of your life. How can you know what you're capable of unless you go for it? Like every writer, I naturally plan on becoming a world-famous writer. I love reading, writing, fitness, coffee, watching my favorite movies/shows, listening to music, and trying new things even if they're sometimes terrifying. I'm a stay-at-home mom, a writer, and a POP Pilates instructor. I didn't think I'd succeed at that last one but I did it! I confronted my fears, dealt with things I didn't want to deal with, and completed the training! POP Pilates classes are coming soon to mid-Nebraska!
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17 Responses to Weekend Writing Warriors #4

  1. This was a great snippet πŸ˜€ I love the description in this piece! I could really imagine her anguish. It works well as a snippet too. It made me curious about who she’s talking to. Sounds like someone she was engaged to marry. . .

    I hate coming up with titles, so I don’t typically do that until the story is finished. And sometimes the story can change as I’m writing it, and there will be a theme or symbol that becomes prominent that I didn’t plan on.

    • She was talking to her brother. He took care of her and raised her after their father died.

      Oh good! I was thinking everybody thought up the title first and then started writing and I felt kinda like I was cheating or something though it obviously wasn’t strong enough to stop me from doing exactly as I pleased. hehehe πŸ˜‰

  2. Emotional scene. I felt like a witness to it. Nicely done. πŸ™‚

    • Thank you! I was a worried it was too blank a snippet to be any good but I’m running out of ideas on snippets from Night’s Treasure because I don’t want to give too much away from further on in the book.

  3. I like the first paragraph a lot. Emotional and raises a lot of questions we have to keep reading to answer, so good job on that .

    Second paragraph, though, strikes me as not unique. A lot of people use those phrases. Dig deep for your own personal voice and let it shine! Stretch your creativity. Don’t be afraid to jump out of your comfort zone. You can do it!

    • Thank you for the feedback!

      Not quite sure how I can change the second paragraph because I just wrote what was happening and didn’t give a thought to if the phrases were overused by other people. But! I will keep my brain open and think about it now! πŸ™‚

  4. burnsmillie says:

    Very powerful and emotional snippet. Nice job.

  5. Poor thing! Excellent description of the physical symptoms…I usually start with a title in mind but I’m VERY basic with my titles. The ancient Egyptian ones are always “(Something)…of the Nile” and the SFR’s are usually “Mission to XYZ” or similar.

    • hehehe Yeah, I keep titles pretty simple until I get the itch to think of a proper title. The original title for Night’s Treasure was “Greek Mythology.” Very creative, huh. πŸ˜‰ hehe

  6. Frank Fisher says:

    Oh I wish it didn’t have to end there…I want to know more. Nice snippet!

  7. A little puzzled as to whether “end” was the end of the snippet or death. Title is the last thing I do.

  8. I’m terrible at titles, so don’t worry πŸ™‚ This is a very emotional and powerful snippet! Though being a fantasy reader, I thought the thing crushing her chest and forcing her to her knees was magic. But it’s a great metaphor πŸ™‚ Great snippet!

    • ?? I’m confused. It was magic crushing her. Her brother’s will forcing her to comply. I’ve never been very good at metaphors and stuff so I tend to stay away from it all. I had one helluva time in school figuring out what authors were actually talking about too. My teachers had to tell me every time. Just not a good analyzer over here. :T

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