Here’s an 8-sentence excerpt from my flash fiction story, The Mountain Prison. It’s currently waiting for me to get off my butt and start submitting it.
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– 8-sentenc snippet from The Mountain Prison –
He’ll come back for me. I know he will. He wouldn’t leave me here.
Would he?
I can’t move. I can’t breathe. There are too many people. Some have shown a preference for a quick death to escape the slow wasting away from starvation.
– End of Snippet –
It’s hard picking 8 sentences from flash fiction. It’s all so condensed already. And any 8 sentences from this particular one don’t hold up well on their own. They all sounded weird for me. That last sentence in particular is too long when I take those sentences out of context. It doesn’t fit. But oh well.
Anna Sinjin ~Author~ 
I dunno, worked for me : ) You have me wondering where she is, and why she’s there. Nice quick eight with possibilities : )
Thank you 🙂
This sounds like an interesting story 😀 Is this fantasy or real-life? I’m curious about why she’s there, and also who left her behind. It sounds like the person that left her is a fellow prisoner that is going to get help. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having a long sentence interspersed with short ones. It helps break up the pattern, and if anything, enhances it’s effectiveness. Cormac McCarthy alternated between sparse prose and crazy long ones. It works for him 😉 The short sentences convey a sense of urgency. I’m trying to use more of them myself :$
I think this line is good, but it could be more powerful, “Some have shown a preference for a quick death to escape the slow wasting away from starvation.” I would give an example instead of just stating this as a fact. Something like, “Last week, old-man Jimmy fashioned a shiv out of ___________ and slit his wrists because if he was going to die, it would be on his terms.” I think it would give the reader something concrete to hold onto as well IMO.
Thanks 🙂
It’s fantasy though not a whole lot of detail is given to show that. I was trying to convey a feeling with it, not so much a real story.
It’s difficult to get into a lot of detail with flash fiction. I like to play with the style to see what I can make from it. Some are good, some are not. 😉
It worked for me.
Thank you! 🙂
Dramatic, intriguing, I couldn’t resist filling in the story for myself (probably wrong but you gave me so much to think about with your snippet – well done). Really enjoyed the excerpt!
hehehe I see nothing wrong with filling in the rest yourself. It means I’ve triggered your attention and imagination. 😉
Thanks! 😀